Jordyn's 7 Minute Marriage Seminar

i am not married, however, know what the Bible says about it and felt compelled to type it but today

(for some reason, since i feel utterly sick, i was reminded of marriage hehe)

so if we were to look at all marriages in the world, and put it in a pie chart of 100%, these are the satistics of the conditions of them...

-25% are having a GREAT marriage, all is well, happy happy joy joy

-25% are having a GOOD marriage, some minor deals, but its fun

-25% are having a TOUGH marriage, trials keep coming, but divorce is not an option or..

-25% are having a TERRIBLE marriage, get me out! this isnt what i signed up for

the truth is, trials and storms will come in a marriage, it's not a matter of if, but when...

today i am here to offer 4 aspects to a healthy marriage (not perfect) but healthy.

1. Realistic Expectations this includes the whole "leave n cleave" mentality, where the man leaves his mother and father and becomes one with his wife, however, it is essential for the man to not leave his heavenly father. us women can meet most of the needs of an earthly man, but only jesus can meet our most intimate desires for love.

-with that being said, sometimes we need to lean on God's comfort or compassion when our spouse may "fail" in that area, and it is necessary for us all to realize (even before we get married) that our mate cannot fulfill that space in our heart specially made out for God.

2. Clear Vision it is cool to have a purose and a plan before and after you get hitched! a vision is merely stating the obvious as well as establishing a plan or desired goal for your marriage. Adam did this when he first saw Eve. he said, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, right there telling eve who she was and that she was a part of him, he had a clear vision of the purpose of this woman. so, there will come a time where it is important for me to put my bifocals on (along with my future husbands xray goggles) and see the vision we want for our lives.

3. Proper Function when God created Eve, he created her with this in mind, that he would make man a helper, suitable for the things that man needed. it is clear that the man should be the leader and that the woman should complete the man. that is only one of a few times that Jesus uses the word "helper" in the Bible. the other times were in reference to himself, likewise, he is totally comparing his role as a helper to the nations, to that of a wife's role in a relationship. pretty neat. its important to realize that woman was made due to man's inadequacy not as a result of womans inferiority. so as long as the record is set straight and that our roles are estblished, there leaves little room for future arguments on, thats what you are "supposed to do" or "thats your job"..

4. Commitment to Love in vrs 24 of genesis 2, it says that the man was united to his wife, and there was that "oneness" there. thats when those tricky ole vows come into play.. for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer. things will come and challenge those vows. it's crazy to think of something like money or illness could break a commitment of love but i know that it happens. as long as the two promise to keep this commitment, the relationship will thrive

now that we know the 4 things that marriages should be built upon, with all of their greatness, here are 5 "marriage creepers" as i call them. things that will come in and occur that usual play a role in shaking the fondations of marriages...

1. Cultural Adjustments (or) the inlaw issue :) this is when families collid, customs come out and little rituals are figured out and realized for the first time and usually end in a CLASH! these are the things that are sometimes overlooked in the love and romance and hustle and bustle of a enagement. when you marry someone, most times, you dont just marry them, you marry their families. you have to think about, christmas dinner and the july 4th breakfast at aunt sally's. you have to adjust to not "usually" having cranberry sauce at thanksgiving or grandma Ethal's special cake batter on your birthday, rather then the good ole fashioned boxed mix. they may seem like little tiny things, but when they add up or even appear unexpectedly, clashes happen and there is definitely chances for dilemma. there's no way to get all of these "adjustments" worked out before the big day, but we gotta realize theyre a' commin' and try to be sensitive to each side.

2. Unmet Expectations remember those "expectations" that we are supposed to get in check? yea well sometimes, we dont and then we get all married and stuff and then, well Bobby doesnt make as much as you thought he would and Molly doesnt make greenbean casserole like your mom does, or Danny doesnt always bring you a dozen roses when you have a faint cough or Sarah isn't always in the mood to watch football with you. when we go into something new, its hard to even know what to expect, my mind goes crazy when i think of being married to someone, living with them and finding all these funny things out, how will i handle them? well all i know is that we need to think about what marriage is going to be like, truthfully, and then simmer down. you cannot walk into something with high high expectations, because 100% of the time, you will be dissapointed.

3. Financial Stress being busy with jobs or careers, trying to find a decent job, going to school, part time jobs, should you be a stay at home mom, budgets, rent, bills bills bills, you have way less money then you are used to, you dont know how to deal with taxes or bills or balancing anything!! it can get soooo overwhelming, and i'll be the first to admit, i am so not looking forward to this aspect of my marriage. i am definitely not the smartest or wisest person when it comes to mulah. i make enought to support myself, but when it comes down to it..i'm not even really supporting myself..so, to think about having to deal with all of it, it does scare me. but i feel like if my husband and i deal with finances God's way, we can hardly go wrong. yes, there will be struggles, BUT i pray to not let money get in the way of what is crucial in my marriage.

4. Inability to Resolve Conflict did you know that there is no such thing as a conflict free marriage? conflict is NOT the problem however, it is the way that you resolve the conflict. i talked to aaron about this very thing last night over the phone, that us women need to stop playing mind games, when it comes to our feelings. i know it is so hard sometimes to be honest and truthful first thing when there is a problem or our feelins get hurt, but it only causes more problems when we deny that something is wrong and we throw little hints and clues at our mates, hoping that they will pick up on it and see the error of their ways and repent to us on bended knee. ehhh, unlikely. we need to stop playing games and start being honest.. duh, it's all about the way the resolve conflict, we need to do it

Timely * Tactfully * Truthfully

5. Trust Issues relationships are all about trust and one of the BIGGEST creepsters today is the loss of trust due to a series of bad desicions. this may cause a loss of love in our hearts due to so much hurt. when we get married, its a covenant, not a contract, that is submissable to breaking. one of the hardest things to overcome is when someone we love and care about us, lets us down and loses our trust. we just have to realize that we cant control the other person and the things that they do, we must forgive them nonetheless. NOT because they may deserve it, but because God forgave us first of all, before everything. only by him can our hearts be healed.

i didnt mean to bore you with all of this info (whoever "you" may be) but all this was just on my heart to share. i hope that i am able to live by these principles whenever the day comes that i say "I do". i cant wait for it, i'd be lyin' if i said i was excited for the journey, but i am just waiting on God's perfect timing.

good luck folks