Smaerd

I seem to have them every night.
Everyone is different
But similar in some respects
People in my self conscience, that I never expected to appear,
And circumstances that bewilder me time and time again.
They are long
They are short
They make sense, and then again, some make none at all.
No one can interpret them and no one really should
I try to write them down on paper, but my memory always fails me.
It's like they arent meant for others to read them, or hear them
(Peanut butter before bed ALWAYS triggers EPIC dreams)
Other nights bring things I swear will happen some day
Sometimes I wish I could live in my "dream world"
And other nights I am thankful I dont.
So I'm wondering, what are dreams, and why are mine so strange?

I guess staying up late, is preparations for sweet dreams

Wednesday night was insane. 246 kids and plenty of visitors, 20 commitments and so many little mirrors all over the ground proving that the kids won't be defined by anything other than what Jesus tells them they are. Awesome reaction to Becky taking a hard swing at this mirror and such fun worship time. I am so proud of Destiny for singing with power and "poundin" the guitar (thats how i describe her playing, in my own words ha) Just overall great night, can't wait for the next night like this!

By The Way

i have the greatest mom ever

Journey Church

I just want to take a few seconds (which will probably add up into a few minutes) to talk about my new church family. I started going to The Journey Church, on Amelia Island about 4 months ago, and already HUGE things have happened. I have made some of the most amazing friends and formed great relationships with awesome people. Journey does so much for the people of Nassau County as well as stretching their hands to the "ends of the earth". Having strong leadership in a church is essential and that is definitely something that I have taken notice of, by being surrounded by loads of people, in leadership, that are lead by prayer and focus on EXCELLENCE in everything they do. We are always thinking of innovative ways to be a church and to be THE church and it so excites me to be apart of such a family. Leading worship on Wednesday nights for the youth program called "X-Change" has been quite a thrill and gave me the opportunity to form relationships with so many of the kids that attend week in week out.

Mirrors

-MY RANT-
We all love mirrors...its so hard to walk past one and not just sneak a peak at the way that we look. Some people do it in a sneaky sneaky way and others just walk up to it and do a full 360 look at themselves. Have you ever noticed how mirrors are everywhere too. Theyre in our houses, jobs, schools and even in our cars.
(p.s: a mirror was the reason I destroyed my right side "mirror" on my car by way of a mailbox)
-ANYWAYS-
We love mirrors because they reflect an image of who WE are and we like to see that. Even though it may sound funny, worship is all about mirrors in my opinion...
-REMEMBER-
God always has a purpose behind everything he does. He created us, as humans, for worship. He made each of us to be a mirror to reflect all of his awesome glory. God wants to be able to look at our lives and see himself reflected back in all we say and do.
-SO TRULY-
when we truly worship, we move the spotlight off of ourselves and onto God. Thats really hard for us to do sometimes but the more we worship, the more we understand how was have got to mirror the greatness of our maker, the more we understand THAT we can understand his spirit and his truth and THEN the smaller we become and the BIGGER god is to us.

Tambourine Solo

i love my tambourine

Halloween

so i am 17 years old and STILL love carving pumpkins!
this year i thought outside the box and gave the ole pump'k a musical face
happy halloween!

Cafe Milano

that's a coffee

Majeti

At first, there was absolute silence.
And at least, there was absolute silence.

In between, it's a
Emotional silence, that'd kill with bare hands
Attentive silence, absorbed in the environment
Thoughtful silence, wallowing and preparing
Embezzled silence, bored in self indulgence
Quiet silence, uncomfortable and unwanted
Subdued silence, waiting in the wings
Meditative silence, which can move heaven and earth
Dogmatic silence, enough said about it
Comforting silence, no words could describe it

In this communicative silence,
Someone,
Say something
Or, not.

Pierre

The Splenda Man that I created at work the other day.
he is made up of
1. Green coffee "thing"
2. Blue painter's tape
3. Yellow twist-a-tie
4. Wooden coffe stirrers
5. Tradewinds coffee coin
6. Notebook paper
7. Strawberry smoothie mix (for pink cheeks)
8. Red straw
9. Splenda packet

tada (this is what happens when you have had no costumers up at the college for more then an hour, little people are made)

Muh Closet

Is crowded and I am a messy person
tis all

The Things I Love (Inspired by a blog written by Heather Hatten)

Well, while trying to take a nap, i couldnt rest a wink, not only because i have a lot on my mind but because i wanted to be typing something, or reading something. It is very rare when i have bursts of "pro-active-ulosis" and so today, i was going to act upon it. So, this blog is simply dedicated to listed out some of my favorite things from all 5 senses!

SIGHTS

1. a perfectly blue sky

2. new messages....on myspace ha!

3. happy couples, walking around, shopping, eating, whatever it be

4. my work paycheck $$$$

5. Tara and Derek's wedding

6. the look on people's faces while they are being suprised or excited

SOUNDS

1. the symphony (soundtracks to epic movies)

2. rice and veggies on the flat grills at japanese steakhouses

3. hillsong united (esp. Sam Knock's voice)

4. strum of a banjo

5. emily reed chuckling and "talking"

6. high hat (drums) the sttttttt sound of it

TOUCHES

1. my soft blue blanket

2. warm showers

3. hugs and kisses

4. all my fuzzy socks

5. being barefoot

6. backscratches!

SMELLS

1. my mom's apple pieand when she cooks with garlic

2. sugary amber (body spray)

3. the detergent that heather strickland's mom uses

4. new hair color smell

5. chocolate chip scones cooking in the oven

6. creme brule flavored coffee (tradewinds of course)

TASTES

1. hot apple cider with whipped cream

2. blended chai tea

3. chicken flavored rice-a-roni

4. sister shubert yeast rolls!

5. olive garden's chicken con broccoli

6. dove chocolates melting in your mouth

Yum!

 

vitamin water is good for your soul!

Pepper!

Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin, this little gem slipped under the radar on SNL a few weeks ago. It might be because Michael Phelps may have been the worst host on SNL. or he may have been amazing if you think bad acting is hilarious. At any rate...here's Mark Payne and his Pepper!

http://www.ucbcomedy.com/videos/play/2692#

copy and paste the link
its the old fashioned way of doing things, until i can get my head screwed on straight!

Elements of Meaning

astrology graphic

astronomy belief

astroid autograph

capable telegraph

capability monument

captivate admonition

capture monitor

capacity premonition

portable mortal

fervent immortal

ferver morality

fertile sympathy

transfer apathy

agnostic empathy

diagnosis telepathy

prognosis love

Tuesday

i feel a little better, trying to eat healthier.
really trying
cause i'm tired of feeling groggy
don't know whats goin on with all our family computers
i think its funny that, even when you think that you are doing a lot of things right
there is still room for error.
anywho, its tuesday and already i can't wait for friday.
this is a blog about nothing, and it feels so good to type it
about to go munch on some noodles and then take a nap
tuesday tuesday tuesday

Jordyn's 7 Minute Marriage Seminar

i am not married, however, know what the Bible says about it and felt compelled to type it but today

(for some reason, since i feel utterly sick, i was reminded of marriage hehe)

so if we were to look at all marriages in the world, and put it in a pie chart of 100%, these are the satistics of the conditions of them...

-25% are having a GREAT marriage, all is well, happy happy joy joy

-25% are having a GOOD marriage, some minor deals, but its fun

-25% are having a TOUGH marriage, trials keep coming, but divorce is not an option or..

-25% are having a TERRIBLE marriage, get me out! this isnt what i signed up for

the truth is, trials and storms will come in a marriage, it's not a matter of if, but when...

today i am here to offer 4 aspects to a healthy marriage (not perfect) but healthy.

1. Realistic Expectations this includes the whole "leave n cleave" mentality, where the man leaves his mother and father and becomes one with his wife, however, it is essential for the man to not leave his heavenly father. us women can meet most of the needs of an earthly man, but only jesus can meet our most intimate desires for love.

-with that being said, sometimes we need to lean on God's comfort or compassion when our spouse may "fail" in that area, and it is necessary for us all to realize (even before we get married) that our mate cannot fulfill that space in our heart specially made out for God.

2. Clear Vision it is cool to have a purose and a plan before and after you get hitched! a vision is merely stating the obvious as well as establishing a plan or desired goal for your marriage. Adam did this when he first saw Eve. he said, this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, right there telling eve who she was and that she was a part of him, he had a clear vision of the purpose of this woman. so, there will come a time where it is important for me to put my bifocals on (along with my future husbands xray goggles) and see the vision we want for our lives.

3. Proper Function when God created Eve, he created her with this in mind, that he would make man a helper, suitable for the things that man needed. it is clear that the man should be the leader and that the woman should complete the man. that is only one of a few times that Jesus uses the word "helper" in the Bible. the other times were in reference to himself, likewise, he is totally comparing his role as a helper to the nations, to that of a wife's role in a relationship. pretty neat. its important to realize that woman was made due to man's inadequacy not as a result of womans inferiority. so as long as the record is set straight and that our roles are estblished, there leaves little room for future arguments on, thats what you are "supposed to do" or "thats your job"..

4. Commitment to Love in vrs 24 of genesis 2, it says that the man was united to his wife, and there was that "oneness" there. thats when those tricky ole vows come into play.. for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer. things will come and challenge those vows. it's crazy to think of something like money or illness could break a commitment of love but i know that it happens. as long as the two promise to keep this commitment, the relationship will thrive

now that we know the 4 things that marriages should be built upon, with all of their greatness, here are 5 "marriage creepers" as i call them. things that will come in and occur that usual play a role in shaking the fondations of marriages...

1. Cultural Adjustments (or) the inlaw issue :) this is when families collid, customs come out and little rituals are figured out and realized for the first time and usually end in a CLASH! these are the things that are sometimes overlooked in the love and romance and hustle and bustle of a enagement. when you marry someone, most times, you dont just marry them, you marry their families. you have to think about, christmas dinner and the july 4th breakfast at aunt sally's. you have to adjust to not "usually" having cranberry sauce at thanksgiving or grandma Ethal's special cake batter on your birthday, rather then the good ole fashioned boxed mix. they may seem like little tiny things, but when they add up or even appear unexpectedly, clashes happen and there is definitely chances for dilemma. there's no way to get all of these "adjustments" worked out before the big day, but we gotta realize theyre a' commin' and try to be sensitive to each side.

2. Unmet Expectations remember those "expectations" that we are supposed to get in check? yea well sometimes, we dont and then we get all married and stuff and then, well Bobby doesnt make as much as you thought he would and Molly doesnt make greenbean casserole like your mom does, or Danny doesnt always bring you a dozen roses when you have a faint cough or Sarah isn't always in the mood to watch football with you. when we go into something new, its hard to even know what to expect, my mind goes crazy when i think of being married to someone, living with them and finding all these funny things out, how will i handle them? well all i know is that we need to think about what marriage is going to be like, truthfully, and then simmer down. you cannot walk into something with high high expectations, because 100% of the time, you will be dissapointed.

3. Financial Stress being busy with jobs or careers, trying to find a decent job, going to school, part time jobs, should you be a stay at home mom, budgets, rent, bills bills bills, you have way less money then you are used to, you dont know how to deal with taxes or bills or balancing anything!! it can get soooo overwhelming, and i'll be the first to admit, i am so not looking forward to this aspect of my marriage. i am definitely not the smartest or wisest person when it comes to mulah. i make enought to support myself, but when it comes down to it..i'm not even really supporting myself..so, to think about having to deal with all of it, it does scare me. but i feel like if my husband and i deal with finances God's way, we can hardly go wrong. yes, there will be struggles, BUT i pray to not let money get in the way of what is crucial in my marriage.

4. Inability to Resolve Conflict did you know that there is no such thing as a conflict free marriage? conflict is NOT the problem however, it is the way that you resolve the conflict. i talked to aaron about this very thing last night over the phone, that us women need to stop playing mind games, when it comes to our feelings. i know it is so hard sometimes to be honest and truthful first thing when there is a problem or our feelins get hurt, but it only causes more problems when we deny that something is wrong and we throw little hints and clues at our mates, hoping that they will pick up on it and see the error of their ways and repent to us on bended knee. ehhh, unlikely. we need to stop playing games and start being honest.. duh, it's all about the way the resolve conflict, we need to do it

Timely * Tactfully * Truthfully

5. Trust Issues relationships are all about trust and one of the BIGGEST creepsters today is the loss of trust due to a series of bad desicions. this may cause a loss of love in our hearts due to so much hurt. when we get married, its a covenant, not a contract, that is submissable to breaking. one of the hardest things to overcome is when someone we love and care about us, lets us down and loses our trust. we just have to realize that we cant control the other person and the things that they do, we must forgive them nonetheless. NOT because they may deserve it, but because God forgave us first of all, before everything. only by him can our hearts be healed.

i didnt mean to bore you with all of this info (whoever "you" may be) but all this was just on my heart to share. i hope that i am able to live by these principles whenever the day comes that i say "I do". i cant wait for it, i'd be lyin' if i said i was excited for the journey, but i am just waiting on God's perfect timing.

good luck folks

The Visitor

"In a world of six billion people, it only takes one to change your life. Sixty-two-year-old Walter Vale is sleepwalking through his life. Having lost his passion for teaching and writing, he fills the void by unsuccessfully trying to learn to play classical piano. When his college sends him to Manhattan to attend a conference, Walter is surprised to find a young couple has taken up residence in his apartment. Victims of a real estate scam, Tarek, a Syrian man, and Zainab, his Senegalese girlfriend, have nowhere else to go. In the first of a series of tests of the heart, Walter reluctantly allows the couple to stay with him. Touched by his kindness, Tarek, a talented musician, insists on teaching the aging academic to play the African drum. The instrument's exuberant rhythms revitalize Walter's faltering spirit and open his eyes to a vibrant world of local jazz clubs and Central Park drum circles. As the friendship between the two men deepens, the differences in culture, age and temperament fall away. After being stopped by police in the subway, Tarek is arrested as an undocumented citizen and held for deportation. As his situation turns desperate, Walter finds himself compelled to help his new friend with a passion he thought he had long ago lost. When Tarek's beautiful mother Mouna arrives unexpectedly in search of her son, the professor's personal commitment develops into an unlikely romance. And it's through these new found connections with these virtual strangers that Walter is awakened to a new world and a new life..."

now there's a description of the film as seen through "yahoo movies" eyes. your basic outline.
I just wanted blog a sec about the film and situation it displays. I'll be the first to admit that i am sometimes impatient and unforgiving in the area of illegal aliens and people who are living here and havent gone through all the "hoops" in order to be legal. But i'll admit a subtle change in my heart after watching this movie (which happens to be selected several times for several film fesitvals, including sundance) anyways... i understand the purpose in which this movie was made and it was in fact created for the purpose of changing peoples opinions and giving them another point of view. sometimes, due to being "removed" from the situation we cant fully grasp it enough to even form an opinion. and that is where i am at fault.

i will say that there are those folks who come into this country and never have plans of becoming a citizen, want to come, make money and then reutrn to their countries rich and having tasted the american way and then there are others, that come, for change for oppurtunity, curiosity or even because of family or friends. they are looking for a better life (just like those who traveled to ellis island etc). i think because of a few "bad" ones, we, born into america, american families, born and bread blah blah, we see the immigrants as intruders. it's the same was with christians, all it takes for a person to form an opinion about christians are a handful of crazies or over zealous hostile t.v. preachers, then the true born again christians, get grouped into that mess. likewise, i underestimated the power of one single person in anothers life. just like tarek in walter's life.

i am no public speaker, or am i well spoken representative of nations or even an author who has researched the immigration issues and/or policies, but i do represent the average american young adult. i agree that it is essential for our leaders to protect us from any threats, but i see that after certain events, our brains have been tweaked to make judgments according to "bad" ones. i wont do this anymore, or at least i will try. every person has been created in the image of God, if that is so, then each person matters individually, America may not be perfect, and trust me, while i would jump on the next plane to go live in Australia, i do believe that the U.S. does offer to people from around the world, chances to enhance their lives, and i dont think its fair for us to interfere anymore. people are precious.

one of the main problems facing India today, is the caste system. the people that are born into the lowest caste are made to feel like they are nothing, they are told that they are worthless and that they dont even have a soul. almost like they are animals or things. there is no "climbing up the caste ladder system for them". so then comes the point. if you believe that you are worth nothing, and that you are nothing, then why worry about personal hygiene or health. why worry about education, why worry about personal thought or opinion. so when people come in and tell them that they are created in God's image, like i said earlier. i can totally see how it could blow their mind. like "i am made in god's image?" "i am special?" "i have a soul?"...

i think it's necessary for us, even as christians to keep an open mind, to excercise grace and understanding, and above all, compassion. compassion for those who are searching for a meaning and for a purpose. some believe they will find it within our u.s. borders and i think it would be Jesus' desire for us to have this compassion for them in this venue also.

pick up the movie ($1.06 at an redbox) and give it a looksy. open your mind and your heart

goodnight

random fact

i wear muh red boots at least once a day

they make me happy

nuff said

slow dancing in a burning room

i hear that song about 45 times a day
its an involuntary action that i am trying to shake
going there, to look at things, to read things.
i am trying to shake it.
i hear that this is a "have it your way" sorta thing,
if that were so, let me paint you a picture
so, here's the thing
the way i'd have it, is to never have a day of fear
to never have a day of worry, of scattered brains
to never go a day feeling a longing for something i cant have
never experience sadness, or dissapointment.
if things were the way i wanted them
maybe they wouldnt be the same as they were,as they have been, oh
but
you have your point
but
it wouldnt be like this
i'm just trying to shake it.
my head tells me one thing, my heart sorta agrees
what do i want, to i truly want to fade away?
do i want you to forget?
for forever, for a season, for tonight?
i cant decide, i never have wanted to decide
but maybe it was about time i made a decision...
one day, when i grow up, big and strong,
i'll remember you, i'll remember this
but not as a memory, as a reminder
of what it is like to have loved and to have lost.
i'll tell my daughter who will tell her friends who will tell their boyfriends, and friends
tell them to love with all they have
always expect the best out of people.
listen and watch with a careful eye and ear when people show you who they are.
speak your mind and love jesus.
then
i will remember you.
it's not easy to shake
it's a srtuggle to try and shake it
but i feel it happening.
whether i move or not, my body seems to vibrate
shakin shakin
feelings roll down my eyes, clear down my cheeks and curve round my neck
down off my shoulders go the memories
out of my hands go the things i once held onto, so strong were my fingers
tight hold
oh no, i see scars and blisters now, where those things have left their mark.
c'mon jesus, patch me up, give me stitches
it'll hurt for a little while, but pretty soon i'll be healed up real nice
"slow dancing in a burning room" he says.
i will always think of you when he says those words
will you think of me
i'm just trying to shake this, burning room i'm in.
dance with me, slowly, please?

Now, thats what i'm talking bout!

wordy wordy
words words words and...
somemore words
smart words
simple words
oh so wordy using all these wordy words.

Today...

i as provoked to start blogging again, on mulitple occasions, and thus i took it as a sign.
work was fine today, spent most of it alone, which was peacful but got hectic when people wanted to all be specific with their coffees...

+what a society we have today, where people are more specific about thier coffee drinks, then choices in mates...
+what a society we have today, where 7 year old girls walk in, ordering a cappuccino *dry (which means with extra foam) what ever happened to the myth that coffee stunted your childrens growth!

anyways, enough about that and work...

lately been experiencing some little changes and some big changes.
change is good sometimes and trust me, i embrace it when i need to.
but nonetheless, change is inevitable...

1. aaron moves back to oklahoma
2. started a new job
3. actually have money now
4. going to a new church
5. met some new folks in fernindina (gonna hang soon hopefully)
6. became closer with old friends
7. started drinking loose leaf teas
8. started doing my schooling on my own
9. new house started being built

so on and on i shall type, and let it be known, i am excited for what the near future brings for me, truly, i feel like i have "turned a new leaf" and i am....
one step closer to being the woman God made out for me to be.
one step closer to Hillsong College.
one step closer to being done with highschool.
one step closer to being able to play piano and sing on a stage again.
one step closer to feeling loved to the ultimate capacity.
one step closer to experiencing the life that is planned for me.

I AM THRILLED (for all those things) SLEEPY (right now) HUNGRY (for sweet tomatoes dinner) EXCITED (for this weekend) and READY (to thrive)

upscrates

havent been able to log on to my blog for a while for some reason, didnt think i was this attached, but i guess i am...

i'll be back and type type typin soon.
my online diary of sorts

go blogging.

Invert

my book of the evening: Enjoy the Silence: A 30- Day Experiment in Listening to God

by maggie and duffy robbins

and then came these thoughts of mine...

in the comotion of everyday life, i know that i am often surronded by "nonliteral" noise that causes me to miss God's whisper sometimes....

even though i walked past some bushes today that were virtually smoke free, i am almost certain that God speaks to me sometimes in less dramatic ways. Even if at some points in my life, i feel like God is not speaking to me, its quite the contrary. Sometimes i do not listen, that never means God has been silent or absent. Having the ability to listen, to open my ears and the willingness to listen, is a "straight" gift from him...

patience is something that i am personally having to work on (of the many). Having to wait on anything in a world that wants immediate results is a super hard task for me, simply because

• i have to learn patience
• there are some many "noises" and "ugencies" that drown out the voice of God
• because if i get honest with myself, i may be waiting on someone or something to come and bring me what we truly desire. (basically ridding God of the equation, and even sometimes my own view of things (doubt etc.)

"We spend time with God because he loves us already, uncondionally, and because we want to develop and deepen our relationship with him" says duffy

Illinois

tomorrow im leavin

this little tiny town

to go to several, little tiny towns

well cept for chicago...

anyways

im thinkin.. 

• wedding rehearsals!
  
• lots of food!
  
• grandpa slippin you a $20
  
• playing pool at midnight
  
• playing "around the world" in the morning..
  
• hillsong concert
  
• cousins all around and everywhere..ahh
• doing the cha cha slide probably twice at the rehearsal
• snapping the "inside story" pictures of the wedding, then laughing at them
• missing my own bed
• probably being forced to sing some song for the church "as a special"
• mini golf? maybe, at the rocky christian establishment
• culvers... chicken and custard and yum oh yum
• bandan bracelets, maybe not this time
• vacation

so there you have it, my predictions for this trip this year...we shall see

when will i matter?

My American Idol Experience

So Wednesday was the "big day" for those who wanted to audition in Jacksonville FL for Season 8 of American Idol. I was there from the very beginning and there until they were wrapping up auditions. This blog entry is specifically designed to give someone the inside look to how the heck this thing goes on?

Well on Monday i arrived at the arena to receive my wrist band and seat ticket for the arena, as well as some papers with info that was essential. Oh, and did i mention the bad news that we would HAVE TO ARRIVE no later then 5 a.m. (my mom started to frown at the idea of leaving out house at 4)

AUDITION DAY (WELL EARLY MORNING!)

So Wednesday was the day of doom, running on 4 hours of sleep, we left the house at 4 and embarked on a day full of people, singing and craziness. We walked up to a line of people at around 5 and stood for about 2 hours. Then i heard a disappointing statement from a woman wearing a bright pink dress and matching hat.."it's raining!". And just as she predicted, it was so. It started to sprinkle, then drizzle and then pitter patter on our faces. 

It was cold, it was windy and now, it was raining. My mom ran to the car a couple blocks away, only to find that we in fact, lacked all of the HUGE umbrellas that we thought we had. So here's the scene.. people, huddled around together in their little clusters, covered by huge canopies of shelter... and in the middle of all this, the two of us, with our backs to the wind, huddling to our purses, getting poured on. No one had mercy and no one would invite me into their clusters. I tried winking at some guys in an attempt for a offer, but that didn't even work. Then the American Idol people decided to let us come in, at around 7:30...

(do not forget though, that even before we could enter the arena, we had to stand in the street and shoot a little "promo" of us saying.. "rain or shine" like a bunch of goobers for a camera.)

FINALLY IN!

So now we are in the arena and rushing around covered in wetness and trying to find our section. Girls are all around me, yelping about their makeup running or OMG my hair is frizzy! i didn't have to worry, for i had worn my trusty black hat and it has shielded my face from the gargantuan drops of rain.

We make it to our section, 112 and find our seats, and sit down and take a breather. Soon the seats start filling up all around the arena...until eventually, the above picture is what i saw from my seat...(its rather blurry and small because it was taken from muh phone) I was told that there was a total of 10,000 hopefuls in that place, the biggest in Idol history.

FIVE MINUTES OF GROUP FAME

So then begins the American Idol "whoop whoop" as i call it.. we were getting all pumped up by one of the main producers (who much to my dismay and unknown to me would be the producer i would try out to). He was making us practice the songs that we were told to learn on monday. "Get Ready" by the temptations and ironically enough, "Walking on Sunshine" by Kasey and the waves... (i hate that song). Then Ryan Seacrest pops out of the door and runs around like a fool.

Here in begins the little shoots we did for the Jax episode.. we did a "Welcome to Jacksonville!" and a "Welcome to Florida!" and then on to.."Rain or Shine, Send me to Hollywood!" We did them all, scenes of us shouting and then to us singing and dancing. It was fun, im not gonna lie..but when the camera came to my section i was thinking, i hope that we have a sweet line for the episode, such as "What up fool!" or "Bring it!" or something...but noooo, we had to utter " Welcome to dawg town Randy!"...what is that? oh well, if its in the episode, you may see me, yelling it out, but you will know, i hated every minute of it.

THE AUDITIONS 

Then came the Auditions, they stared assembling the little tryout sections, on the floor of the huge arena. 12 little "room"s that contained a small partition, table and two chairs. We had a perfect view of about 9 of those little rooms so i was excited. They took you down section by section and you would line up with 4 other people in a horizontal line in front of the table of assorted judges (producers). Then one by one you would step out in front and start singing until they raised their hand (kinda like Hitler) and you would stop and go back to the line and the other 3 would do the same.. AND THEN

the two producers would take their clipboards (of privacy) and cover their mouths, whisper things about you all and then ask you to step forward. Then they would either say "Thanks, but no thanks" or tell 3 people of your line adios, and ask you to stay. If you were asked to stay then they would mark your wristband with a kiss of hope and hand you that GOLDEN PAPER, called the golden ticket and you would exit to the left and out the "Winners door" while you new friends would immediately have their writs bands cut off and would walk across the arena infront of thousands, then out the "Losers Door" and told to leave the arena out of a small door out back. brutal? yes, brutal.

HOW DO YOU EVEN PICK?

A mystery to us all in the stands, was how do these producers weed through ALL of these people. Answer...they get rid of just about everyone.. i added up and the ratio to advancing to the next round was about 1 out of 200. It was a tough business down there and i was not looking forward to it.. Luckily, my section was about 10 sections away from the first hopefuls, averaging about 4-5 hours away...so at this point you just wait around, practice your song, get some food and just await your fate...

i watched and listened to hundreds and thousands of people, stand in their lines, sing their song of choice and get sent out. one after the other after the other... it was QUITE entertaining, but so disheartening at the same time. We had been there for sooooo long and all just to walk down there and go straight out the door (but remember, i was just doing this for the experience, i had no expectations ATTTALL!) 

WAITING AND WAITING AND WAITING

So mom and i chatted some, listened to good singers and bad ones too. Laughed at some of the characters down there and made friends with those around us. Shared out opinions on people that got passed (and rejoiced with them as they proudly pranced across the floor with their "golden ticket".. we muched on crusty concession stand food and walked around...

--although, it was almost unbearable in the hallways, because every foot there were people practicing thier songs on the phone, in the bathroom, in line getting nachos, up against the window... GAH! it was like a huge mummer of aretha franklin and the star spangled banner!

*but it was fun

MY TURN TO GO AUDITION

So, here it was, the big moment of complete and utter hilariousness..it was around 3 o'clock p.m., just to letcha know how long i had waited. here i was, about to sing before a random group of producers and basically in front of thousands of people that were going to watch my every move.. i was singing a song i hardly knew and kept forgetting the words to (which will kick me in the buttocks later) and me with my " i don't really care" attitude.. it was rather funny.

The whole day i had sworn i was nervous, and i truly wasn't, until i handed the lady my release form and was walking across the arena.. wow oh wow oh wow, i felt so silly. A man assembled my into my group of four and directed us to our "room-of-no-privacy" i was with two girls and a guy and we were all sharing our nervousness. All of my group had lovely R & B hits to sing, and i was like uhhhh, for i was singing "Love, where is your fire?" but Brooke Fraser, a sorta soft and folky song. But as we were walking to "room 8" i was wondering, who would i be auditioning for...and who would have thunk it, the african american singing freak man and his other african american girl friend. I was surely doomed.

Me and my floral dress, vest and hat, doomed..and my knees were shaking as we walked up to the line. The first girl went, and then the boy, he sang... "I swear" by Boys to Men and i couldn't help but sing along and dance (hello "Just friends" the movie) and then it was my turn and so i walked up and started to sing my song, until i got the the third line of the verse and i blanked out. totally. BLANK... so i stood there and flashed a smile and moved on, with grace to the chorus and then stopped when his hand raised up. GRRRRRRRRRR, i had, up to this point, not cared at all about the actual audition part, until that one moment. I wanted to badly to stand up and throw the table over and say "I can sing, i can!" but instead i just smiled and awaited the "Please come forward"

OH MY DEAR, NO GOLDEN TICKET FOR YOU

The said, first of all, we would like to thank all of you for coming and singing for us, unfortunately, we have a lot of people to listen to and choose and we don't think you guys are ready fir season 8 of American Idol. Then the woman turns to me and says, "oh, but honey, i love love love your hat".. i just smiled and thanked her for my hat and then walked out of the room and straight to the henchman with the scissors to rip me of all of my American Idol ties, my yellow wristband...

---then it was out the "loser door" and out the even worse "exit" door and straight out into the POURING rain...

PLEASE MA'AM, WE NEED YOU TO EXIT

so i walked out and accepted my Idol fate, into the hard hard rain until i was under the covering of the arena entrance and looking for my mom. Several officers came up to me, soaking wet and kinda let down, and told me that i had to leave, i couldn't stay under the coverings. I was thinking....oh the nerve. But anyways, found my mom, who assured me of my singing voice (ha) and let me know how proud she was that i even tried. So we were pushed back out into the hurricane force rains and winds and walked several blocks to the car. Got in, dripping wet and miserable and oh so tired, but we had to laugh. 

what an experience! I did it, and even though to some it may look like failure, true failure comes with not trying (a church marquee once said)

and so we drove home and got showered and dried off and then SLEEP SLEEP SLEEP.

it was fun and im so glad that i did it, as well as being able to be on the local news stations and all over the Jacksonville episode of Season 8 American Idol.

COMMON MISCONCEPTIONS AND OTHER THINGS

• you go in front of Paula, Randy and Simon and sing your heart out.                                    (im afraid that doesn't happen until the next round of the tryouts)
• you get to bring 12 of your closest family members with you to see it all                                (you are allowed one parent or guardian or friend, tis all)
• they pick you if you have an AMAZING voice                                                                                  (uh, lets just say, they are smart producers and if you make good t.v. ooooh buddy you are so gonna get on, as well as being able to carry a tune)
• what about all those jokes-of-people that are on with Simon?                                                 (I saw several instances where there were CRAZY people, who could sorta sing, but they were something else, get past and the producers knew what they were doing.. its kind sad when you think about it though, cause they think they are getting past because their singing voice is spectacular, when really, they are what draws people to watch the show. ha)
• Trying out for American Idol is easy...                                                                                       ( No Way Jose'! it was a hassle getting up early and quite scary singing in front of all those people, as well as the paperwork and all that jazz...but its worth it and lots of fun, but not easy!)
  

So thanks for reading, hope i filled you in and was able to give you THE INSIDERS LOOK!, i'll defiantly be watching Season 8 and awaiting the next person to make it big.

FUN STUFF

-Jordyn

Conquer it with love...

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

we want to be close to God

but we just don't care to do anything about it

be the change you want to see in the world.

be a change

i'll be a change

you wanna come along?

let's be close to God

let's learn all there is to learn

cause after all

if we don't, it's just wasted time.

TODAY

• today i color coordinated my closet.
  

a display of boredom

as well as my self-diagnoses of O.C.D.

• i am consuming about 5 Bliss milk chocolate meltaways per minute
• updated my myspace about 7849 times (no one is counting)
• stepped over the first hurdle of homeschooling

today was the first day of school in camden, i however dont start for 5 weeks

thanks for listening

my future building

enjoy the silence

grow

grow

grow 

up strong

up bright

up happy

confident, confident, confident

close

close to him

not "him"

but the him who hath made us.

enjoy the silence

tonight

i am going to sleep

i've never felt this sad before

but i am going to sleep

sleep sleep sleep

sweaters

it's been a beautiful process in my mind

up and down and up and down

middle ground and middle ground

tired wet lids, smile lines still show

sometimes i feel like a little version of myself

not in size but in smarts and ability

but then i remember, thats just crazy

i am just crazy.

maybe i haven't been there

or here or where some have been

but my road is still long and my feet still have

little marks, little walks, little shows

maybe my finger tips lack the knowledge

maybe my grins are naive. maybe

but i cant let that stop my days

or push me into a square, walls far from recovery.

isn't this more than miles on a mode of transportation

eyes that have seen me, hands that have touched

words that approve of me

move me

moments that come and go?

i am just crazy.

i like to sleep, i like to meet, and greet

i like to awake, to escape, and to make

things

oh how pretty i seem to myself

when i am free, when my heart is warm

like in sweaters, wrapped up in sweaters

you wont change your mind about me

i am just crazy, i am just little.

i want to know the world and it's people

i want to memorize places, faces, spaces

where i can stay the night.

but even more so, i want to memorize your face

your words, your deeds, fulfill your needs

i want it to be natural, simple

but just when it becomes effortless

i want to work, to smirk, be your quirk

that little quirk that makes you, takes you

i want to make a choice one day, and never look back

love every day to it's fullest

and live at first glance

hands up in the air, i surrender to this

days that are left upon my chest

what's mine is yours, is ours, for hours

this is comfort in some words

like in sweaters

wrapped up in sweaters.

-me

p.s.

though our love may get blurry, i will be loyal to you

Until

Tired of waiting bored with yourself
Calls for a little extra help
Making an entrance stealing the show
Focused and you cannot let go
Then you take that hand
Satisfy demand
Leave em full on doubt
That's not what you're about
When she(he or I) get in the way
Remember what they say
You're no one 'till someone loves you
Forced expectation serves as the glue
For someone who looked just like you
Two hearts are melded reflexes dull
Death to the individual
I had a purpose
Sometimes I forget
And I will retire but not just yet

-reeve oliver "until someone loves you"

Use Your Material Possessions to Draw Closer to Christ.

Kelly is constantly thinking of stuff she doesn't have. A pastor's wife, Kelly lives on an income that's far tighter than she would like. She regularly reminds her husband of what a painful sacrifice it is for her to live on their income, and she often window-shops for things she would like to own.
by: Whitney Hopner

Kelly feels guilty about secretly buying lottery tickets, and even more guilty about resenting the members of her congregation who live in large houses filled with more stuff than she has in her small townhouse.

Mike is always thinking about the stuff he has. He worked and saved for years to acquire things he dreamed of owning -- a Porshe in his garage, a big-screen television in his living room, an extensive collection of suits in his bedroom. Mike can't bring himself to get rid of all his stuff, but he frequently worries about whether it's demanding too much of his time and money.
He and his wife sense a calling to start a family someday, but Mike doesn't see how he can make the necessary sacrifices. Then there's giving to their church. Mike never manages to drop more than a few dollars into the collection plate each week, despite knowing he should contribute much more. When he finds himself feeling badly about it, he takes a ride in his Porsche, which never fails to put him in a better mood.
You may think you have either too little or too much stuff. But what truly matters is how you use the stuff you have. Here are five principles for using your stuff as tools to grow closer to Christ:

1. Don't give greater priority - as measured by your time and attention - to your stuff than you do to your relationship with Christ. It's often the case that the more possessions you have, the more they possess you. Buying, maintaining, insuring, fixing, cleaning, and storing your stuff can eat up a considerable amount of time. Do you really need that Oriental rug that requires you to take off your shoes every time you walk in your house? Do you need to get a wax job for your car every other week, or can you skip it?More importantly, time you don't spend taking care of your stuff can be spent in prayer or reading the Bible. Take an inventory, not of your stuff, but of the time you spend dealing with your stuff. How does that compare with the time you spend with Christ? If the former number is out of balance with the latter, you'll do well to simplify.
Jesus said, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money" (Matthew 6:24).

2. Your attitude toward stuff should bless others. In all things - including dealing with stuff - an attitude of love should rule your actions. It's not enough just to decide to get rid of extra stuff you already own and decide not to buy more. You can sanctimoniously congratulate yourself on not wanting or owning a lot of stuff, but still end up sinning if you fall into the traps of ingratitude or miserliness.For example, if friends or family members present you with gifts that cost more than you think they should, don't criticize their generosity by judging how they spent their money. Remember that just because a gift is expensive doesn't make it bad. As long as the gift-givers are sincerely expressing love through their gifts and not trying to manipulate you through them, you should accept graciously and cheerfully.
Don't feel pressured to reciprocate with expensive gifts of your own if God doesn't lead you to do so. But whenever you have stuff that you don't truly need - and that other people could use - be willing to be generous yourself. Acts 2:45 records that early Christians sold their possessions, giving "to anyone as he had need." They knew that material things are merely tools to express Christ's love and grow closer to Him.

3. Your stuff should foster enriching experiences. Manage wisely whatever God chooses to give you. Stuff isn't inherently bad; sometimes it can enable you to experience something that will draw you closer to Christ. If you can hear God's voice more clearly out in nature, it makes sense to own a tent and a sleeping bag so you can go camping.
When Jesus attended the wedding in Cana, He chose to perform His first public miracle by changing water to wine. Serving wine was an important part of the wedding experience in that culture, and Jesus knew that preventing the supply of wine from running out would support the fellowship the wedding guests were enjoying.

4. Your stuff should honor Christ. In 1 Corinthians 10:23, 31, the apostle Paul wrote, "'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible' - but not everything is constructive. ... So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."
Whatever stuff you choose to have should glorify God. Of course, that means you shouldn't own stuff that is by its nature opposed to God's teachings - such as pornographic magazines. Most of the stuff in our lives, however, doesn't fall into that category. We should use whatever we have in ways that honor Him. For example, you can use your television to watch news that keeps you informed, or an inspiring show that reflects biblical principles. Or you can use it to watch soap operas, filling your mind with values that don't please God.
Think about how your stuff honors the Lord. If certain items don't, it's best to give them up.

5. Your stuff shouldn't make you feel discontent. Just like Kelly and Mike's experiences, stuff can rob us of the contentment God wants for us. Wouldn't it be nice to be able to agree with the apostle Paul: "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to be have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situations, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want" (Philippians 4:12)?

What is that secret? A close relationship with Christ. All of our stuff will one day pass away from us, but a relationship with Christ is eternal!

bliggity bliggity blah blah

bliggity!
bliiiiizah muahhhhh
i love you

goodnight

Seriously

people have some of the best advice, or rules of life to live by, when you go on a mystical sabbatical
such as:

1. never use your head as a weapon, you will lose a legit white tee shirt
2. never drive for more then a week with a doughnut on a Cadillac
3. never go on vacation that the state of GA pays for, in Claxton specifically
4. never become so intoxicated that you wake up and find yourself lost in a gay club
5. never ask for two of the purple drink, or its off to the sweat room for you!
6. when you drop food, it belongs to the ground, there is no 5 second rule
7. never eat meals nicknamed "the pocket" or drinks named "Bentlee"
8. do not eat the chicken and rice, it is filled with shank bones that will kill you within hours from internal bleeding
9. do not use words that require 3 or more syllables when telling a joke.
10. never NEVER drink coffee and smoke a cigarette first thing,on a chilly morning..for the nicotine will shoot through your body, causing you to lose all control of normal body functions. pack an extra pair of boots and be ready with a reasonable explanation for the removal of your all of your clothes, to the cop, guiding traffic in front of the elementary school

and lastly, research that SUPER GREAT idea of yours before you claim that you have had an epiphany! that you have thought of one of the most amazing ideas ever.... IE: snap on lights and 101 ways to cook Ramen noodles...

it's tooo lattttteeeee
yea-e yea

all in a days work eh?

people from Camden county Georgia have a complex, and i have yet to fully figure it out

Tipsy

i feel really diconnected right now
today's been great a great day
but off is the word of it, im afraid.
thank goodness for wise people that are there in time of need
i wish humidity would vanish
off to practice making dinner
and await the most obnoxious friend i have

Logical vs. Emotional

i wonder how many times a person
in the entirety of thier life
gives up the hope of affection
the flame of carelessness may rise above
with deep grey smoke of apathy
but it's the underlining coals of natural love
that can provoke a spark of compassion

How Many Virtues

oh how terrible our impious countrymen
how amazing is thier diction
that drains into our open minds
what once was truth, now turns to fiction
they've decided to cover our eyes with blinds
with questions of liberty and worries abound
a man's pure conscience should always pursue
principles, opinions, rights, are they sound?
when it's easy believing lies, that's our cue
when humans grow cold to their inevitable desires
and authors choose charged words to guide us
people, like machines, heartstrings, like wires
to pilfer through ficticious tales, a deed quite ardous.

Fatigué

my, your eyes are heavy
your lashes brush your face
carrying ten thousand pounds
dozing off with grace

my, your smile is soft
you seem to be quite sober
with grinning lips and glossy eyes
i wish this day was over

my, you walk to slowly
gliding over the path
with one foot past the other
5 million steps, ive done the math

my, your heart is joyous
it shows through your heavy eyes
your sleepy grin reveals is so
and slow steps tell no lies

Found

Edwin Arlington Robinson - The World

Some are the brothers of all humankind,
And own them, whatsoever their estate;
And some, for sorrow and self-scorn, are blind
With enmity for man's unguarded fate.

For some there is a music all day long
Like flutes in Paradise, they are so glad;
And there is hell's eternal under-song
Of curses and the cries of men gone mad.

Some say the Scheme with love stands luminous,
Some say 't were better back to chaos hurled;
And so 't is what we are that makes for us
The measure and the meaning of the world.

under the weather

oh lord, what does that even mean

my nose runs
my eyes water
i sneeze lots and lots
my limbs are cold
i speak through my nose
my body aches
my cough is fierce

but its alright

waiting to hear that familiar voice
reached for the cold-blocking-pills, but they did no good
so, im stuck with this
common little pest

but its alright

i had a happy day
i have a happy life

A Streetcar Named Desire

what a terrible little story
even though it is regarded as one of the most remarkable plays of our time
i beg to differ

but i will give Tennessee Williams a little bit of credit
his writings are provacative
and at the same time respected

ramblings brought to you by: honors/gifted lit required reading

Too Legit To Quit

Psalm 57:7 ''My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.''

steadfast: unwavering, as resolution, faith, adherence, etc

Tonight during the worship time at my church,i was playing the keyboard and during a verse,i closed my eyes. i knew that this "glimpse" only lasted for about 2 minutes, but i promise it felt like hours. My eyelids were warm from the lights, my leg was moving, almost involuntarily along with the bass line, and words were leaving my lips,that,for the first time, i feel, in weeks, i truly meant.

"filled with wonder, awestruck wonder, and the mention of your name"

I sang the line, and as soon as i realized what i was saying, it hit me. In old testament days, the name of Jesus Christ or God as their savior, was so holy, so hallowed,that the men of the temples were required to undergo certain precise cleansings and partake in sacrifices, all to come in into the presence of the Holy Spirit, and to utter the holy name of God.

Nowadays, we are immersed in the freedom to come into his temple (our church buildings) and say,scream,sing,shout,chant his holy name, in any way,shape,or form we so choose.

At the mention of his name tonight, specifically,the name, The Lord God Almighty, my heart was filled with wonder. I, in that 2 minutes, felt the closest to my Lord that i have ever been. His name was hallowed and my hearts desire was to know him intimately.

Where the passage comes into play is this: keeping our (my) hearts steadfast (unwavering) is an arduous deed it seems. We as Christians get so caught up in the corporate meeting of worship, that we become comfortable in our pews and are satisfied with the 30 minutes a week we devote to "worship".

Worship and prayer go hand in hand, maybe if we prayed more, maybe if we decided that we needed a prayer time,a time to engage in out relationships with our God, then our worship would be sincere and our hearts would be steadfast, always keeping the contact between our maker and us, his wee little creations. Created for worship.

Just a thought,

I am done with my rant.

and so it begins

"and i tried to write to style, but the words just come and i write them as soon as i see them"
-Manchester Orchestra